Embracing Imperfection: The Problem with "You've Got This"

In our well-meaning attempts to support and encourage others, we often fall back on phrases like "You've got this!" While the intention behind these words is undoubtedly positive, it's worth examining whether this approach truly serves those we're trying to help. Let's explore why constantly projecting confidence might not be the best strategy and how embracing our imperfections can lead to more genuine connections and personal growth.

The Myth of Constant Competence

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Here's a truth we often forget: You haven't always "got this." No one has got "this" 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be the goal. The human experience is messy and complicated and often involves not having your act together. And that's okay.

Instead of striving for constant competence, perhaps our goal should be to treat ourselves with compassion and realize that a great deal of what makes us human comes from those moments when we don't have it all figured out.

The Problem with "You've Got This"

When we tell people, "You've got this," we often unintentionally push them away from their current emotional state. We're suggesting that what they feel is either uncomfortable for us as listeners, or we've been conditioned to believe we should move them out of their discomfort to a more comfortable place.

While the desire to help someone feel better is natural, we're skipping a crucial step: resonance.

The Power of Resonance

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Resonance is about truly connecting with someone's current emotional state. It's about acknowledging and validating their feelings rather than immediately trying to change them. When we say, "You've got this," we essentially say, "Move on." This can discourage people from sharing their struggles in the future.

The Unintended Consequences of Advice-Giving

Constantly offering advice or encouragement can create barriers in relationships. Our angry or frustrated parts might become righteously indignant when our struggles are met with quick fixes rather than understanding. This can lead to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding.

Embracing Imperfection

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Instead of always pushing for confidence and competence, what if we created space for vulnerability and imperfection? What if we responded to struggles with, "That sounds really tough. I'm here to listen," rather than "You've got this"?

By acknowledging that it's normal and okay not always to have it together, we create an environment where people feel safe to express their true feelings and experiences.

Moving Forward: Compassion and Understanding

The goal isn't to never encourage or support others. Instead, it's to balance our supportive statements with acknowledging and validating the current experience. Here are some strategies:

1. Listen first, advise second (if at all)
2. Validate emotions: "It's understandable to feel that way."
3. Offer presence instead of solutions: "I'm here with you through this."
4. Share your own experiences of struggle, if appropriate
5. Ask what kind of support they need rather than assuming

Remember, it's not about having it all together all the time. It's about treating ourselves and others compassionately, especially when we don't "have this." In embracing our imperfections, we open the door to deeper connections, greater self-understanding, and a more authentic human experience.