Emotions vs. Feelings: What's the Difference and Why It Matters

I was today years old when I finally understood the difference between emotions and feelings. If you've always used these terms interchangeably, you're not alone. Most of us do—even some psychology textbooks blur them together!

But in recovery, understanding this distinction can be transformative. Let's break it down simply.

The Basic Difference

Emotions are the physical sensations in your body:

• The racing heart
• The knot in your stomach
• The tension in your shoulders
• The lump in your throat

Feelings are how you interpret those physical sensations:

• "I feel anxious"
• "I feel disappointed"
• "I feel threatened"
• "I feel sad"

One is physical (emotions); the other is mental (feelings). And here's the key insight: we don't choose our emotions, but we do have influence over how we interpret them.

Two Metaphors That Help Explain the Difference

The Wave and the Surfer

Think of emotions as ocean waves. They build, peak, and naturally dissipate—typically within 90 seconds if we don't fuel them with ongoing thoughts. These waves will come whether we want them to or not.

Feelings are how we choose to surf these waves. We can ride them skillfully, get knocked over by them, or exhaust ourselves trying to stop them (which never works anyway).

In addiction, many of us tried to control the ocean itself—using food to calm the waters. In recovery, we learn it's more effective to improve our surfing skills instead.

The Check Engine Light and the Diagnosis

Emotions are like your car's check engine light—a notification system designed to get your attention. The light itself isn't the problem; it's just alerting you that something needs attention.

Feelings are like the diagnosis you make about what triggered the light. Sometimes our diagnosis is accurate ("The oil really is low!"). Other times, it's influenced by past negative experiences ("Last time this light came on, I needed a whole new engine, so this must be catastrophic too!").

In addiction, we treated every emotional "check engine light" as an emergency requiring immediate relief through food. In recovery, we can learn to see these signals as normal, useful information that helps us navigate life more effectively.

Why We Get Confused

Many of us grew up in environments where emotions weren't discussed or were actively discouraged. "Stop crying," "Don't be angry," or "Just be happy" might sound familiar.

Then there's our relationship with food. Many of us used food to avoid uncomfortable emotions altogether. Why bother identifying a feeling when eating could make the discomfort disappear?

After years of numbing with food, we might enter recovery with a very limited emotional vocabulary—maybe just "good," "bad," or "hungry." This makes recovery harder because we're trying to work with something we can't even name.

A Simple Example

Let's say you experience:

• Tightness in your chest
• Shallow breathing
• Butterflies in your stomach

That's the emotion—the physical response. But how you interpret it could vary:

• "I'm excited about this opportunity" (positive feeling)
• "I'm anxious and might fail" (negative feeling)
• "My body is preparing me to perform well" (neutral/positive feeling)

Same physical sensations, different interpretations. Different outcomes.

Why This Matters in Recovery

1. Emotions are temporary waves
   Physiological emotional responses typically last about 90 seconds if not fueled by ongoing thoughts. In addiction, we tried to control these waves with food. In recovery, we learn they'll naturally subside if we don't fight them.
2. Your body sends signals; your mind creates the story
   Your body might signal discomfort, but your mind decides if that's a crisis, a challenge, or just information. In recovery, we can learn to create more helpful interpretations.
3. We can develop better emotional literacy
   When we start distinguishing between physical sensations and our interpretations, we expand our emotional vocabulary beyond the basics. This helps us respond more appropriately to our needs.

A Real Recovery Example

Physical sensations: Empty feeling in stomach, slight shakiness, low energy

Old interpretation in addiction: "I'm starving! I need to eat right now or I'll feel terrible. One extra serving won't hurt."

New interpretation in recovery: "My body is signaling hunger. I can check when I last ate and decide if it's time for a meal, or if I'm feeling emotions that seem like hunger."

Practical Steps to Try

1. Notice the physical first
   When you're experiencing something emotional, start by noting the physical sensations. Where in your body do you feel it? What qualities does it have?
2. Get Curious: Separate sensation from story
   Try saying: "I notice tightness in my chest" instead of "I'm anxious." This creates space between the physical experience and your interpretation.
3. Consider alternative interpretations
   Ask yourself: "Could this physical sensation mean something else? How might someone else interpret this same feeling?"
4. Expand your emotional vocabulary
   Move beyond basic terms like glad/sad/mad. Try more specific words: contentment, disappointment, irritation, enthusiasm, melancholy, curiosity.

The Recovery Perspective

In addiction, we treated all uncomfortable emotions as emergencies that required immediate relief through food. In recovery, we can learn to see these physical sensations as normal, temporary experiences that provide useful information.

We don't need to control our emotions—we couldn't even if we tried. But we can develop more accurate, helpful ways to interpret them. This skill doesn't just support recovery; it creates a richer, more vibrant and authentic experience of life.

Your body will keep producing emotional responses throughout your life. With practice, you can become more skilled at understanding and working with these responses rather than trying to numb them away.

And that ability to be present with your full range of emotions? That's what makes recovery worthwhile.