Thank you, Pippi!

 

I’ve often been amazed at the layers of trauma I’ve had and how I’ve managed to always come out on the rosy side of the street. I rarely feel disappointed, sad, depressed, aggravated even.  I believe that comes from reframing at an early age and I think that comes from Pippi.

 

I found you, Pippi, just a couple of years ago. I have rarely felt a need to or a desire to route out the exiles hiding in the corners of my life, I think mostly because those outsized emotions around trauma from my childhood rarely bowled me over.

 

So when I think about what you did, being so independent, finding so many ways to entertain ourselves, almost never did I feel alone, I think it’s because of you and your spirit.

 

I know there are so many ways to show ups every day. And your role is often described to me as holding all the hard stuff so I don’t have to carry it, like a pack mule? Or a trusted servant. I don’t like to think of you that way. And I’m sure that’s because you took the crayons and colored all around me to show me always that sunshine, brightness, vividness can live even in darkness and sadness, grief and turmoil, uncertainty and yes - trauma.

 

My life, when I look at it through a “normal” lens, is pretty fucked up. Parents divorce, oldest girl. Mom and dad had the bright idea to have 4 kids in 5 years “I liked being pregnant, what can I say?” Is mom’s line every time. And why I even had to ask her that question. so check - the non-existent childhood -the “fend for yourself”, “you’re on your own” “you can’t depend on anyone else for anything world is where you became.

 

I could have easily wallowed in the hopelessness, the constancy of the work, the lack of any kind of parent figure - I was parenting at a young age. Thank you, Pippi.

 

You kept me sane when I’d rush home from school to make dinner for the boys while mom taught private lessons just to make ends meet. You’d roll up your sleeves and grab the dishrag and wash up and clean afterward. You’d push me to my room at every opportunity and hand me a delicious new book to read - you helped me prioritize my paltry allowance to buy book after book -s scholastic book club and the library were my solace, my playground, my home.

 

You found ways to sidle up to me, whisper in my ear, and tell me to sing. You helped me establish these dimples that I use religiously and voraciously to bring giggles to myself and others.

 

You deserve to run and play now. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’ve finally picked up what you threw down at me over and over again. Joy is contagious, happiness is an internal flame that burns as brightly as your and my red hair and will carry us forward. That flame is a visceral part of my being because of you.

Thank you isn’t anywhere near big enough a word. I will continue to appreciate your integral part in my spirit. I will continue to make you proud. I love you, Pippi.