The 7 Stages of Grief: Or rather: Can I really give up Sugar and Flour for the rest of my life?

February 8, 2019
THE 7 STAGES OF GRIEF.. AND HOPE – – –

I posted this at 8 weeks into my weight loss transformation and thought it needed to be shared again…

After decades of struggling relentlessly, and finally giving up on ever NOT being morbidly obese, I found the solution – abstinence from consuming any sugar and flour. After a lifetime of obsessing over food, I finally felt peace and calm around food around the 4th week of no sugar/flour. AND I knew I was going to have to let go of something that for decades brought me solace, delight, joy… I went out one night with friends and watched them order hor d’oevres at a pub and I realized then that I had entered the grieving process we go through when giving up S/F…. This really struck me. Thoughts from my meditation and other musings….

Giving up S/F is acknowledging this cannot be a part of my life any longer – saying goodbye to the pain and anguish and fat caused by S/F….kind of like how I think it would feel if my ex-husband died (I apologize in advance – I in no way want to trivialize death of a spouse – ex or not)….however, he’s not good for me, many of my memories of him are chock full of anger and rage and guilt and self-loathing, there were very fun memories but I would never want him back….and then I thought – hm. what are the stages of grief….and this is what i decided – the caps are my abstinence correlations….

Here are the stages of Grief:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL- HOW PEOPLE REACT WHEN THEY HEAR I’M GIVING UP S/F AND HOW CAN I DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?!?

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-DETOXING – THOSE FIRST FEW DAYS COMING OFF ESPECIALLY S. HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET TO THIS PLACE? I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SHAME I FELT AROUND HOW OUT OF CONTROL I WAS AROUND SUGAR AND FLOUR.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with sugar and flour. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING- NEW, STRONG EMOTIONS ENTER THE GAME. WE EXPLODE WITH EMOTIONS NOW THAT WE RE NOT STUFFING THEM DOWN WITH FOOD.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-THIS IS A DIS-EASE OF ISOLATION. CONNECTION SAVES US.

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-AAAAAND THE ENERGY RETURNS!!!

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-DISCOVERING NEW EMOTIONS AND DEALING WITH REWARDS AND SOOTHING, OTHER THAN SUGAR AND FLOUR. AND NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THIS BRAIN CLARITY TIME ON MY HANDS? THE FOOD FOG HAS LIFTED.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-I AM HAPPY, FREE AND CALM. I EAT IN BLACK AND WHITE SO I CAN LIVE IN COLOR.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.