The Myth of "Being Done": Embracing Recovery as a Lifelong Journey

by Sonja Irina Johansen and Patricia Reichgott O'Connor

Have you ever thought, "I just want to be done with this recovery thing?"

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If so, you're not alone. The idea of reaching a finish line in recovery is tempting, but it's also one of the most pervasive myths in the journey toward healing. Let's explore why the concept of "being done" is appealing, why it's problematic, and how we can shift our perspective to embrace recovery as a lifelong journey.

The Allure of the Finish Line

It's natural to yearn for a clear endpoint in recovery. After all, who doesn't want to cross that finish line, collect their medal, and move on with their life? The idea of "being done" is attractive because it promises:

• An end to the struggle
• Freedom from constant vigilance
• A return to "normalcy"

But here's the truth: recovery isn't a race with a finish line. It's more like a journey of continuous growth and self-discovery.

The Reality: Recovery as a Lifelong Process

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Recovery isn't about reaching a destination; it's about the journey itself. It's a continuous process of growth, self-discovery, and healing. Just as we never stop growing as individuals, our recovery journey never truly ends. Instead, it evolves with us.

The Psychological Pull of "Being Done"

Our desire to be "done" with recovery often stems from deeper psychological needs:

1. Instant Gratification: Remember how as a child, you wanted everything right now? That part of us doesn't fully disappear in adulthood. We still crave quick fixes and instant results.
2. Fear of Lifelong Struggle: The idea of committing to a lifelong journey can feel overwhelming. It's natural to fear that recovery will always be hard work.

The Dangers of the "Finish Line" Mentality

Viewing recovery as something we can finish can be risky:

• It can lead to complacency once initial goals are reached, increasing the risk of relapse.
• It might cause us to neglect ongoing emotional and psychological work, stunting our growth.

Shifting Perspectives: From "Diet" to Lifestyle

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Instead of seeing recovery as a temporary state, try reframing it as a lifestyle. This shift allows us to:

• Embrace the ongoing nature of self-care and growth
• Integrate recovery principles into our daily lives more seamlessly

The Benefits of Embracing the Journey

Accepting recovery as a continuous journey offers numerous benefits:

• Reduced pressure and stress
• Increased resilience in facing challenges
• Opportunities for ongoing personal development

Strategies for Embracing the Ongoing Nature of Recovery

1. Set Evolving Intentions: Rather than fixed endpoints, focus on evolving intentions. Understand the difference between goals (in your mind) and intentions (in your heart).
2. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge how far you've come while recognizing there's always room for growth.
3. Develop an Evolving Mindset: Be open to change and new learnings along your journey.

The Emotional Work: Letting Go of "Being Done"

Shifting away from the "being done" mentality involves emotional work:

• Grieving the Loss: It's okay to mourn the loss of the "quick fix" fantasy. This grief is a normal part of the process.
• Finding Peace: Embrace acceptance in the ongoing nature of recovery. There's beauty in the journey itself.

The Power of Trusted Community

A supportive community plays a crucial role in maintaining this perspective:

• Shared experiences remind us we're not alone
• Mutual support helps maintain motivation and commitment

Practical Tools for Lifelong Recovery

1. Regular Check-ins: Schedule time for self-reflection and assessment.
2. Adapt as Needed: Be willing to adjust your strategies as life circumstances change.
3. Continuous Learning: Stay curious and open to new insights and skills.

Embracing the Journey

Letting go of the "being done" myth isn't easy, but it's incredibly freeing. When we embrace recovery as a lifelong journey, we open ourselves up to continuous growth, deeper healing, and a richer life experience.

Remember, the goal isn't to be perfect or to reach some imaginary finish line. The goal is to keep growing, one day at a time. Your recovery journey is uniquely yours, filled with opportunities for learning, connection, and transformation.

So, let's shift our focus from "being done" to "being present" in our recovery journey. After all, it's not about the destination—it's about who we become along the way.