Walking a New Path: The Journey Through Food Dysfunction

"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance." - Nathaniel Branden

Autobiography in Five Chapters

by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1 I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in. I am lost....I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2 I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the side walk.

I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3 I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I fall in....it's a habit...but my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4 I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5 I walk down a different street.

via GIPHY

The Power of Portia Nelson's Poem

When I first encountered Portia Nelson's "Autobiography in Five Chapters," I was struck by how perfectly its simple metaphor captured the complex journey of overcoming patterns that no longer serve us. Although Nelson wasn't specifically writing about food dysfunction, her poem resonates deeply with anyone who has struggled to change their relationship with food and body image.

Let's walk through each chapter and explore how it mirrors the stages of healing from food dysfunction:

Chapter 1: Unconscious Patterns

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost....I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

In the first stage of food dysfunction, we're often completely unaware of our patterns. We might find ourselves binging, restricting, or using food to cope with emotions without understanding why. We feel powerless, believing our behaviors are happening to us rather than by us.

This is the stage where:

• We don't recognize our triggers
• Food choices feel automatic and beyond our control
• We're surprised by our own behaviors ("How did I eat the entire package?")
• Recovery seems impossible because we don't even see the problem clearly

During this phase, we spend exhausting amounts of energy climbing out of the hole—dealing with guilt, physical discomfort, and emotional aftermath—only to fall back in again because we don't yet recognize the patterns that led us there.

Chapter 2: Dawning Awareness

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the side walk.
I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

In this stage, awareness begins to dawn, but we're not ready to confront it. We might recognize that we use food to manage stress or that we have certain patterns, but we actively avoid this knowledge.

We might:

• Notice we're reaching for comfort food when anxious but continue anyway
• See the patterns forming but tell ourselves "just this once"
• Feel frustration that we keep ending up in the same cycles
• Still blame external circumstances—stress, other people, lack of time

Here, we're developing peripheral vision of our patterns, but we're not yet ready to look directly at them. We know the hole is there on some level, but we convince ourselves we can walk the same path without consequences this time.

Chapter 3: Taking Responsibility

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I fall in....it's a habit...but my eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

This chapter represents a pivotal shift in recovery. We now clearly see our patterns and acknowledge our role in perpetuating them. Even though we may still fall into old habits, our relationship with these behaviors has fundamentally changed.

This stage is characterized by:

• Full awareness of triggers and patterns
• Taking responsibility for choices
• Developing tools to "get out immediately" when we fall
• Practicing self-compassion rather than shame

Many people find themselves in Chapter 3 for quite some time. We're building new neural pathways while old habits still exert their pull. The difference is that we no longer blame others or circumstances—we recognize our agency in the situation.

This might be where you find yourself now. If so, take heart—this is where real healing begins. The awareness and responsibility you're cultivating are essential foundations for lasting change.

Chapter 4: Practicing Prevention

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

In Chapter 4, we've developed the foresight and skills to avoid our old patterns. We can recognize triggering situations in advance and navigate around them. We still travel the same path—we haven't completely restructured our lives—but we've learned how to avoid the pitfalls.

In terms of food dysfunction, this might look like:

• Eating before attending a triggering social event
• Having prepared responses for food pushers
• Creating meal plans that work with your body's needs
• Setting boundaries around discussions of weight or dieting

This stage requires vigilance and practice. We're creating new habits that protect us from old patterns, but we're still in environments and situations that could potentially trigger us.

Chapter 5: Transformation

I walk down a different street.

The final chapter is beautifully simple. Rather than continuing to navigate around the holes in the same street, we choose an entirely different path. This represents a profound shift in how we live and relate to food.

In recovery from food dysfunction, Chapter 5 might mean:

• Building a life where food returns to its proper place—nourishment and occasional pleasure, not the center of emotional coping
• Creating new communities that support a healthy relationship with food and body
• Developing a rich emotional vocabulary and toolkit that doesn't rely on food
• Finding purpose and meaning that transcends body image concerns

In this final stage, avoiding dysfunction no longer requires constant vigilance because we've built a life that naturally supports wholeness. We're not fighting against our old patterns; we're simply living in a new way.

Where Are You in Your Journey?

As you reflect on Nelson's poem, consider which chapter best describes your current relationship with food. Remember that recovery isn't linear—we may find ourselves moving between chapters, having Chapter 5 moments followed by Chapter 2 setbacks.

The power of this poem lies in its compassionate recognition that change happens gradually. There's no shame in being at any particular stage—each represents progress in its own way.

If you're currently in Chapter 1 or 2, be gentle with yourself while cultivating greater awareness. If you're in Chapter 3, celebrate your growing responsibility while practicing patience. If you're navigating Chapter 4, acknowledge the strength it takes to remain vigilant. And if you've found your way to new streets in Chapter 5, share your path with others who might benefit from your journey.

Wherever you are, remember that the next chapter is always being written. Your autobiography isn't complete—there are new streets waiting to be discovered, ones without holes that need to be avoided, streets that lead to freedom and peace with food and your body.

Where do you find yourself in this journey? I'd love to hear which chapter resonates most with your experience in the comments below.